Friday, October 8, 2010

Top Ten Reasons Why Canada Sucks


To pop this blog's cherry, Ashley and I brainstormed the top ten reasons why Canada ticks us off, in no specific order of course.


For starters, topping the list is 1) Celine Dion


Adding to this musical catastrophe 2) Justin Bieber


3) Canadian Bacon? It's HAM!



4) No one cares about Curling. It's not even a real sport.



5) Who wants to buy milk in a bag? It comes in a carton.



6) They have a province dedicated to the French. The French are assholes.



7) There is a place called Moosejaw. Need I say more?





8) Have you ever seen a Canadian Sweater. They're so ugly.

9) Mounties. Yeah, the horse is more intimidating.



and finally 10) Their accents. "How aboot we play some hockey, eh?"



Feel free to add ideas or bash our own or even uselessly attempt to defend Canada.

35 comments:

  1. you think youre funny?!CELION DION IS SAINT! WHORE!

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  2. Mounties have just carried on tradition, not all cops are like that. In fact, I've never actuallt seen a mountie. Milk in a bag is stupid, it's a pain in the ass. The Canadians with the accents are the ones further up North.

    Oh and by the way, Canada is such a huge contributor to America, so there's really no reason to hate. I'd like to see someone make a top ten reasons why America sucks, that would be funny. 1. The overall gluttony/obesity rate is ridiculous 2. You really don't give a shit about the environment 3. People are dumb enough to think that Al Qaeda took down the twin towers (your patriotism seems to be absolutely blinding you) 4. Rednecks. Need I say more? 5. You know nothing about anything unless it involves the US 6. The government is hiding so much from you that you have no idea about (it's very similar in Canada, just not as bad) 7. Laziest country in the world - everything has to be so damn convenient and individually wrapped (destroying the environment, which goes back to point 2) 8. You can barely ever find anything that isn't poisoned with crazy preservatives just to make it last longer 9. Nobody ever seems to question what the government is doing, no matter how stupid it is 10. Everything is so superficial, thanks to the media, and everyone is dumb enough to think they should look like that (except for all the fat pigs)

    I don't even really know why I made this list. Maybe It's because I should practice my typing (since we just got electricity up here in Canada, eh?).

    But seriously, there's no reason to hate Canada. So many friendly people, great outdoors and a lot less fat, gluttonous pricks.

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    Replies
    1. Eh, your list is redundant and lacking comedy. Granted, it's largely accurate (this is coming from an american, but I am a rare one who possesses none of the following qualities)

      Top 10 reasons why America sucks:
      -Hannah Montana
      -Rednecks
      -Country music
      -Ron Paul was never elected president
      -I honestly think the above should count for 2 items, because that's how much we suck for it
      -Obesity
      -The dumber the person the more prideful the are
      -The term "towel head"
      -Facebook
      -George Bush

      C'mon this list is just fun and games... Just take it for what it is rather than taking it as a personal attack on all canadians.

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    2. Butthurt, much? Lol. Calm down. Take a joke. Are all Canadians as stuck up as you?

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    3. No one knows who Ron Paul even is so why is it such a concern to Canadians everywhere

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    4. Canadian cops are funny. Arest them for being drunk at night and release them in the morning over and over. I feel soory for the cops.

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    5. And based on the Canadian version of Cops, all of Canada's problems are due to drunks. I can see why the country has 2 major accomplishments. Number one is being the world's best at being just north of the USA, and number two is producing entertainers that can pretend they are from the USA.

      Delete
  3. Ok for the top 10 list US sucks.

    1. Fair enough

    2. Ok, there is a difference between the environmental policy not registering in DC and general attitudes of the public. As far as recycling goes, US is #7 for the highest recycling rates in the world, while Canada didn't make the top #10 list. Also, US is one of the world leaders in developing green technology, which I see much more often in use in the US in comparison to Canada ( solar trash contrainers, movement sensitive street lights etc). So that's a complete miss on this list ;)

    3. Somewhat fair, some people are sensitive when it comes to patriotism, but I must add Canadians are not less sensitive and somehow they had also become the flag wavers, who are sensitive to criticism of their country.

    4. Fair enough.

    5. This could be attributed to #4, but do you really want to call the nation that does the most applied research and technological innovation in the world dumb? Think again. Not all of us are rednecks

    6. The government of every country hides things (check WikiLeaks), that's why they came up with a special word "classified information".

    7. I attribute this to one of the greatest things about America, actually, because due to our laziness we came up with some most efficient and widely used innovations such as a washing machine/dryer, microwave oven, internet, the list goes on.

    8. You obviously haven't been to the US for a while, since now even just about any town of 30k people has an organic food store.

    9. Are you kidding me? I've lived in both US and Canada, I haven't seen nearly as much social&political activism in Canada as I have seen in the US. I worked for a university for a long time and sadly Canadian students are much more apathetic when it comes to volunteering, political rallies, protests etc

    10. huh?

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  4. Really glad I read the disclaimer on the bottom of the page. Otherwise I would have thought you were a pair of ignorant fucking cunts. As it stands...

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  5. This article, this site, is sad. It's pathetic to see ill-educated people try to state the most ignorant, sheltered-minded bullshit. The French are assholes? So you know every god damn French person on earth? Milk in a bag or Canadian bacon...WHY do you give a shit? Justin Bieber and Celine Dion? Ok then, Myley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers, Kanye West, Niki Minaj, Lil John, 50 Cent, the list goes on and on and on and on. Our accents? Dear God, I guess your not even educated enough to know your own accents. Moosejaw? Ok, Goobertown, Bumble Bee, Bald knob, Hooker, Cow Creek, Fort Dick, NO Name, Dinosaur, etc...yes these are actual all American town names. Our mounties aren't intimidating? well firstly, they don't actually dress this way anymore when on duty, and second, if I remember correctly, they are here to serve and protect, not to intimidate.

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  6. omg! we have milk in a bag?! I need to get some right now!

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  7. I live in canada and ive never seen milk in a bag. Nobody here says eh. Americans are stuck up stupid mother fucking imbred readneck assholes that are so full of themselves it makes me sick

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  8. I guess Canada sucks, but then, every country sucks more or less. I guess Canada sucks because it's so cold. And it sucks because the people are kind of boring and they're not as good at word play as Americans are. But overall, I think if given the choice to live between America and Canada, I would choose Europe. At least the people there are more human.

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    Replies
    1. im a canadian and ive never sayed eh its really cold here so i guess thats true and were not boreing today i went to school wereing a gasmask

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  9. You are totally right, Canada does suck!

    I can add to the list-

    1. Everyone smokes
    2. Canadians are boring and jealous of the U.S
    3. Tourists can never shop in Canada because everything is so fucking overpriced.
    4. The government controls the sale of alcohol through stores like The Beer Store and LCBO.
    5. Canadians diss Americans while using all of our stuff. Those losers go to our universities, buy our brands, etc. I visited Toronto once, and all the girls here were wearing LA shirts! How pathetic.....

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    Replies
    1. Um, Canadians aren't jealous of the US. The US is great but so is Canada. You're right about the stuff being overpriced. Not everyone was wearing LA shirts, you just over reacted. Sorry. I'm Canadian I have to say it.

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    2. America is Scumbag Steve
      Canada is Good Guy Greg

      Delete
  10. Wow, so creative! You guys must feel very proud of coming up with such a hackneyed and overused list of items. Your punctuation is also stellar, and should be used as a model for bloggers worldwide. You represent the English language in a way Oxford professors would be envious of.

    This blog is going to be amazingly successful based that kind of sharp wit, so I'm excited to be part of it! Gawker is stupid to not purchase this site immediately.

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  11. Canada is a backwards country. Period. Those people love you for your flaws and hate you for your qualities. They're a bunch of hate mongers. Their ceilings are pretty low, don't want to see anyone succeed plus your connections in life outweigh your actual qualifications in finding a job. LOL. This is reason #1 that most of the talent or brains leave for the USA and other places upon finishing a degree in canada. The job market is also nonexistent.

    It's a miserable country where most of the people leaving are young men in their prime. After seeing canadian girls you will never complain about American girls ever again. Thats how bad it is. I shit you not, they're the coldest, bitchiest women on the face of the earth, also actually hating the good looking men with sound character and treating the ugly, off putting, retards with respect. Not even US girls are this insecure. They don't even come close to this bullshit. We call that an inferiority complex, a feeling which they harbor to virtually every other country in the entier world.

    Particularly to the major powers like Russia, Britain, France, Germany, India(a shithole, also with many fucking people but still pretty strong), China, Japan etc etc.

    Not to mention their unique brand of subtlety and passive aggressiveness unconscionable in USA or by any other country besides the fucking canada itself. In a nut shell - not a place for human habitation.
    If you're already a 3rd world citizen, don't trade in your life from your native country to another 3rd world (just a more subtle one) unproductive, lack of ethics, country called canada.

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    Replies
    1. Very well said!!!

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    2. I am neither an American nor a Canadian. I am an Iranian and I was able to secure an immigration visa both to Canada and to Australia simultaneously and at the same time. So I had an option to choose between the two countries and I visited both. Your description of Canada is exactly how I saw it. I spoiled 2 weeks of my life and $7000 in Canada and I shall never again look back towards that land of retards.

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    3. I agree with anonymous. I visited a very pleasant friend who lives in Toronto. He got mugged and beaten there and ended up having to have one testicle removed. I got ripped into by a Canadian woman about the US. My view of Toronto was ok but probably better due to my kind friend. From what I read today I would not want to go back.

      Delete
  12. Come on... This article is fun and games. It's ODVIOUSLY not serious, because these are stupid reasons. But it is funny, and thats the goal... It's a joke., take it for what it is rather than a personal attack in all canadians and french people.

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  13. Celine Dion is an evil cunt and anybody who says otherwise is an idiot.

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  14. Canada does suck but I was hoping you were going to list factual (which you'll need if you want to persuade people to take you seriously) legitimate reasons instead of your opinions like so many others who have made the same mistake as you. Here are the facts (not opinions) about why Canada sucks

    1. Finances:
    Wages are higher but things are more expensive

    2. Convenience and selection:
    Fairly basic selection of products and sevices, new flavours and new different styles of products that are not as commonplace as regular Coke, regular Nike shoes or Samsung Galaxy very often don't last They are very often pulled from the shelves and selection in every field of products and sevices seems to get worse and worse over time. Also, you'd be hard pressed to find anything open 24 hrs that's not a convenience store, or the odd drive through.

    3. Identity and Culture
    Canadians have no core identity or culture and they have become so set on multiculturalism that white people there have been naive and unwilling to do anything about the fact that it's crossed the line from multiculturalism to replacement. Outside of Quebec, people often are not very fashion oriented as their appearance will manifest to you and style is often not one of their strengths. As for their oral skills, literacy is not an issue but a lack of grace and a lack of refinement in their tone is. Aside from being friendly and having good social programs Canada does very little to distinguish itself amongst the international community and very often takes a backseat role in world affairs.

    4.

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  15. It's just an annoying country! Hell, the Queen of England rules over them so they are not even a real country!

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  16. Oh people calm down...Canada just sucks! Get over it.

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    Replies
    1. Canada just doesn't sucks.....
      Many of the things I read here are so unreal that I don't know where to start.
      If you don't love Canada, good for you.... Just don't write unreal shity things about this country.

      Thanks..

      Delete
  17. I live in Canada, and where I live we don't have milk in a bag, say aboot, and it's (almost) never even 0 degrees. Stop acting like you know everything. Where I am we don't get snow, and I could wear no sweater in December.

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  18. I live in Canada, and where I live we don't have milk in a bag, say aboot, and it's (almost) never even 0 degrees. Stop acting like you know everything. Where I am we don't get snow, and I could wear no sweater in December.

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  19. Collective nationialism is just gross and it is not something to be proud of--it's just perpetuating outdated ideas that brought groups like the Nazis to power. Fuck borders, fuck tribalism, fuck your flags. This is an example on both sides that 19th century imperialist mentality is alive and well.

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  20. 1) Celine Dion

    She's just a person. Why blame the entire Canada? I haven't heard her songs, but still. You don't like her music, your problem. Not the entire Canada's.


    2) Justin Bieber

    The same goes for him. I don't even like him or his music, but still. He's just a person! Why blame an entire country because you don't like him?


    3) Canadian Bacon? It's HAM!

    Do you even know what ham is? It's pork! What's bacon made of? Pork! Really though. One of the stupidest reasons on the list.



    4) No one cares about Curling. It's not even a real sport.

    Not a real sport? Yeah it is! Why would it not be? Maybe you don't care about Curling. It's my favorite sport, though, alongside handball!



    5) Who wants to buy milk in a bag? It comes in a carton.

    Not all milk here is from a bag! We're being creative, much unlike you with your list!



    6) They have a province dedicated to the French. The French are assholes.

    We're polite. You should learn to be, too! You'll get friends. Friends are good.


    7) There is a place called Moosejaw. Need I say more?

    Again, we're being creative.

    8) Have you ever seen a Canadian Sweater. They're so ugly.

    Maybe to you. But we don't care what people think. It's very cozy.


    9) Mounties. Yeah, the horse is more intimidating.

    You're being mean. Why are these people riding Horses a reason to hate a country? Learn something called life.



    10) Their accents. "How aboot we play some hockey, eh?"

    Have you heard a Canadian speaking, or are you listening to everything you read on Internet? Because we don't talk like that. "Eh" is our, happy, peaceful term, for America's thoughtless, lazy "Huh" or "Hm". I don't know whether you're an American or not, so I'm not blaming you for those boring terms.

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  21. Canada sucks! And talk about arrogance they have to continually spew how they are better than the USA. Guess what you ain't!!! Socialized medicine sucks and so does your ugly cold dirty wasteland,

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  22. First off Canada is and always has been a CORPORATION divulged via the crown in GB and old money from a trio betwixt UK, USA and France. I am really surprised nobody recanted the century(ies) old battle: EAST vs WEST. When business is booming the west essentially fuels the east with its energy resources, agriculture etc. However, when the western part of the business is on the ropes there is no aid, structure or resolve for the likes of Alberta, SK, BC or maybe Manitoba. (look up the MILCH cow for explicatives) In a nutshell Canada is NOT a country. It is a cloaked, closeted band of republics: Quebec, West, East and immigrants.

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