Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Case of the Missing Package

The following is the true mystery of my missing package:

Background: Being an avid Islanders fan and with out a mouse pad for some time, I decided to finally invest my money in one from nhl.com. Thinking that I'd order it on May 16, it would surely come within a week or so. Or so is the time frame I'll get it considering it's May 31st, and that weird substance that is growing on my desk because of the lack of mousepad is still there.

As I checked today to see the status of my order, I discovered the worst: it was in fricken British Columbia!

Digression/Rant: I mean, don't get me wrong. I haven't studied the art of shipments. I don't know how the ports and docks work. But to go from Toronto to BC- over 4000 km- seems just a tad out of the way, don't you think? Especially if it is to go to NY from Toronto- a mere 800 km away.

The Query: Which makes me think that someone messed up along the way. I see it now:

The Scenario: Jake is oh so tired. He just came from his lumberjack job to his mail delivery one. All day, he was cutting down trees, which clearly wore him oot, eh.

Not to mention, he's got so many things on his mind. All he keeps thinking aboot is if the Canucks are gonna win it this year. How great would that be, eh?

And the couple of beers he guzzled right beforehand while watching Hockey Night in Canada didn't help the situation. So when he finally comes upon my package, he accidentally puts it in the truck going to BC instead of the one going to the US.

The Culprit: Canada

Evidence:




Status: Solved

Thursday, May 26, 2011

What is a Canadian?


What is a Canadian?

Is it the pure rottenness of Quebec?
Or the weird accents of Nova Scotia?
The country is a hopeless wreck.
They should be inspected by a certified member of OSHA.

And who the hell would live in the Yukon?
All those silly Eskimos.
I'd rather drowned myself in the Huron,
then live with frost-bitten toes.

And being an Ottawa Senators fan,
well that's gotta be the worst.
There's no Stanley Cup in their game plan.
The team is clearly cursed.

A Canadian is an odd thing to be.
I have told no lie.
From the Beaufort to Labrador Sea,
The land is completely bone dry.